Tomorrow, Mother's Day, shell be marking day 11 of Muma being in hospital :(
I rightly fooked myself up, over the simplest thing too....sitting on the floor, pulling some tightly squished clothes outta my chest of draws and felt a pop in my back.
That was the morning of Wednesday 27th May.
For the rest of that day, it niggled, I struggled a little to get in and outta the car, but was still able to help lift things to get stuff done with our move. But by the arvo, I got myself stuck on Mum's couch, layed down and couldn't get back up.....had a painful flop onto all fours onto the ground, to try pushing up, but got stuck there like that for some time too.
Mum ended up driving Jack and I home and helped me get him ready for bed, then we fully expected all this silly back stuff to be settled by morning.....boy was I wrong :*(
I woke up around 4am-ish, in full back spasms.....if it weren't for those recent fertility testings, I mighta started thinking I was in back-pain-labour, like, I reckon I coulda tolerated JackJack's swift painful labour over this!!
I laid there in hot and cold sweats, trying not to move coz moving provoked the spasms more. Trying not to stir Jack, coz he was trying for booby and his hot little body on me made me nausea's, so hard to not hurt his feelings while trying to stop my own hurt.
I woke Tyler for help, asking him to calm JackJack, we compromised by getting him to cuddle into the body pillow next to me and just boob with minimal touching. I had to keep thinking of him coz I needed to go to the toilet just prior and he woke and followed me, scared for what was going on, as I could barely manage a crawl to the bathroom, then winced and screamed through getting up and down off the toilet.
Tyler, always taking me for an overeacter, took a bit of upsetting convincing to come get Jack from the hall, so I could move myself as best I could back to bed, ad start making him relax.
Meanwhile, I shared my concern with Tyler that I felt I needed to go to hospital.
He crazily ran around the house, trying to find my stash of panadeine forte and I took a few and layed as still as I could, further hoping it'd be all fine by morning.
Come morning time, the spasm woke me up, I screamed for Tyler to get Jack off me(so hard to push my babe away), and told him straight out, I need to get to hospital, this was like nothing ever before.
Mum came around to help get Jack ready, and I called my SiL to come get Jack, deciding that at the time, she'd have more space in her car then my sister, given we'd be at hospital a while and school pick-up of the cousins had to be thought about.
By this stage, I'd lost the ability to pick myself up to a crawl. Couldn't even get off the bed.
Our beautiful new two storey house was suddenly a huge problem :(
It took me over and hour, to get off the bed and pull myself along the floor.....Mum dressing me as I could move(after a rather silly idea to try have a bath while Jack was eating breaky downstairs, I could barely get back out and then was left naked in our cold bedroom).
One hour later, took us up til about 1pm, by the time I was at the base of the stairs, and Mum had nicked home for her walking stick to help me stand long enough to get to the car.
Note here- An ambulance wasn't called as I couldn't bare the embarrassment of them roughly trying to toss around a woman with a weight issue to get me down the stairs-turned out to be a good call coz the hospital had about 10 ambulances waiting to hand over patients when we got there!
Mum went into the triage and got a wheelchair brought out to take me in, and we waited a further 3-4hrs before being taken through to see a doctor. In the meantime I was able to have some mild pain relief and anti-nausea, plus hold a nausea bag, the pain was heating me up and making me on the verge of vomiting.
An x-ray was ordered, which was so freakin hard to get from the wheelchair to the x-ray bed, and it revealed nothing. WTF??
They had then put me in a gown, slid me over to another bed and I spent the night in the ER, awaiting an MRI scan in the morning. Blood tests were taken, these showed elevated swelling so the doc started to piece together theories.
The next day, Friday, I was moved to the Acute Observation Ward.
Jack had been forced into a circumstance of having his first sleep over, at my brother and SiL's.....we had not boobed since Thurs morning, he was put to sleep on their couch, and I am not sure what sort of comfort he was offered through the night.....my heart is breaking with each long night apart we have spent.
Trying to focus on JackJack, I suggested that Nanny or Daddy get him to bring me in his Dr Bear....the bear he got to look after him during his newborn surgery, and that he lent to Nanny during her cancer treatment. Dr Bear, and his little team of Nurse Quacktologist and Dr Koalogist had become good comfort to those needing it in our family!
Just as I had left our premmy babe in his special care nursery crib, with a droplet of boob juice on his Butterscotch Bear's nose, I now had Dr Bear to cuddle up to and sniff in my sons delicious scent ;)
Daddy managed to get himself onto day shifts at work, so that Nanny had Jack during the day, and go home to sleep with Daddy.
Each visit, they both boasted how well he was coping! Each arrival brought a bigger and bigger looking fella, his hair looks thicker, he looks a little taller and a whole lot wiser.
He takes Dr Bear and they have a chat about how Muma is doing, and when she will come home to him.
Jack is being so spoilt in Nanny's company, with Arny Ciny visiting them more for the twins to play, and Daddy has had to assume Muma's position wrapped around him in our co-sleeper bed at night.....trading replays of Buzz for the lesser and lesser asked for booby(oh how it scares me that this is our weaning, our not so gentle weaning)
Jack arrives for a visit with Nanny in the afternoons, and after a quick check over Muma, the little fella is so secure that he sits and eats special snacks, pulling away my hand outstretched to caress him, as he thought I was just gonna pinch his teddy bikkies! Cheeky man ;)
Daddy had the need to go up to work to consult his change of hours with his boss, so JackJack got utterly spoilt at the bowling centre, playing ten pin with much better skill then Muma(not hard, mind you!), and riding the arcade cars and bikes. They brought home 2 little yellow characters off a movie we had just recently seen, so I suggested he take one home and I have one, and we can cuddle them together at the same time. I tell you, this little dude is blowing me away with how much he's taking Muma's need to be in here in his stride....seemingly secure in his own little knowledge that we're all working towards getting me back home. Mum even tells me that during morning drop off now, he turns to Daddy and waves him off straight away saying "bye bye Daddy, you go work now!", all set for his day with Nanny and Papa! I think he's having a little too much fun for the most part of this! ha ha
So there you go, to all the knockers of our parenting, who said bad things to my face and worse behind my back.......what say you to this secure little mans upbringing now, hmm??!!!
Jack is so instinctual of Muma's limitations right now, it's taken a fair bit of coaxing to let Nanny lift him up next to me for a soft cuddle....then he quickly gets gently off again, afraid he may break me :( I yearn for his touch, he is so cautious though.
The MRI revealed I have 3 mildly slipt discs. Now, not like what Tyler heard this, "mildly" doesn't mean "not bad at all", there is different degrees of slippage, and so far I looked hopeful for a non surgical approach, phew!
Other problems arose though, with no feelings of wanting or needing to use my bowels or empty my bladder, so a catheter was placed after an ultrasound revealed my bladder was in fact over full, and a few different forms of bowel medications was added into the cocktail of tablets I was already on for pain management.
After a few nights in the AOW, I was taken up to the 5th floor.....full of elderly, and a few dementia patients....one particular who took to wondering in and sitting at the window and playing with Jack's toys we kept with me ;) Funnily enough, also named Jack, so I tell my family when "Old Man Jack" has come in for a play with "Lil Jack's" toys ;) Course, I have resisted telling Old Man Jack that these toys belong to a little Jack, just incase he thought that I meant they were his own! Lucky here for some experience in dementia through mine and Tyler's Grandma's.
Upon first arriving in hospital, I ha no control of my legs and very little of my arms too....scary times, I had in my mind that this may be the 2nd time in my young life already that they may suspect a stroke, I was braising for the worst while telling Jack I'm all ok.
After getting some strength back in my arms, I decided some art therapy might do the trick....baring in mind that Jack would see these, I've mostly outwardly projected places I'd rather be but here....just one or two in a bad light so far.
Another move, still within the 5th floor, gave Jack a highlight, a cool view down to a stretch of back road around the hospital that we could spot some trucks regularly going by, even some choppers in the sky, and in the early hours I spotted some pinkish cotton clouds dancing over the gum trees of the botanical gardens.
Still waiting on a visit from the pain management specialist, in walks this dude Charlie, last Tuesday the 3rd of May. He brought with him a wheely walker and a determination to get me out and onto my feet....my heavy jelly feet.
Another view for JackJack!
It's bloody hard work to get myself to the edge of the bed, much less anything extra, ugh(note to self- try to anticipate such injuries in the future and go on a mad arm strengthening weights program! ha ha)
Here I go, day 3 of wheely walker, Nanny came especially to take pics of progress, I giggled to Jack through the pain that he can walk better then Muma.....though he was a little pre-occupied of the scary thought that Charlie was taking me away from him and was not at all comfortable watching this. He was there when I got shifted to another room and this too frightened him.
Day one of the wheely walk, while in the other 5th floor room, I did an agonising wobbly walk to the door of my 4 bed room and back. Day two, in my current room, around the corner and to the edge of the nurses station and back.
Day three, halfway around the nurses station and back. It didn't feel any easier, but Charlie assured me I looked more confident(maybe coz my brave Muma face was on, for the sake of my lad)
Checkout my fashionistar leggings! Ha ha, pressure socks, that have holes at the toes so that the nurse can roll them off my feet to help me grip the ground better. I'm needing to wear these and have a nightly anti-clotting injection due to the lack of mobility, to help my circulation.
Ugh, it is bliss to see my bed coming closer into view, my arms are killing me, trying to lug my frumpy body around on the wheely walker.
Charlie suggests I go sit in a chair by the window for lunch, but I struggle to keep my Muma cap on and think f fast tracking it outta here, instead I want to go back to bed and pass out for what felt like a marathon effort!
Twuck JackJack!!!!
As news spread, thanks to my Mummy, keeping the face book community updated, some much needed visitors started coming!
Firstly Autumn and Moni....which was actually when I was till pretty out of it down in AOW, high on drugs, brief visit-I'm sure coz I just was totally not with it!
Ciny and Chris brought the babies in too, and I asked them to bring the bigger kids after school(I'm never one for a restriction on kids, you can feed off their energy!). Daddy, my Daddy-Jack's Papa, had also come in with Mum over the weekend-night shift worker like my hubby, so haven't seen him again til today.
Then also my MiL Helen popped in, and Tyler brought Dan my BiL and Jack's fave uncle in....cheering us both up!
Then starting from the 5th floor, Kint, who dropped in on Wednesday night after her work day at the ABA drop-in centre...smelling rather nice of perfume, and we had a cheerful little goss that really pepped me up ;)
These sweeties came from Lozzie and lil River Man.....the cupcake soft marshmallowy lolly pop for JackJack, but so far he loves it as a wand! And I tried the choccy for the first time today, as my appetite is normalising, and they are divine!
She shared some stories of her and Autumn and families recent trek up to Confest over the Easter weekend. River keenly kept and eye on Jack and having another kid there really cheered Jack up!
Helen came for another visit one arvo, not sure what day now! And came baring goodies!
A royal wedding mag(love me some royal wedding goss!), some little craft kits to try my hands at, and a rainbowy rattle giraffe....that I suspect will be overtaken by the lil fella when we get home as he was pretty keen on her!
Mum's been bringing little trinkets in to cheer my space up.....firstly the "J" angel, which is now propping up a pic she brang in of JackJack, and this cute wooden nurse dolly, to work along side Dr Bear! he he
Daddy also has lent me his radio to listen to, and Mum brought in a magnet pic of Jack that sits on the radio. Today, when Daddy came to visit, he brought me some dusty old covered books.....dug up from his collection, so I cant wait to see what titles he selected for me!
I asked Tyler and Nanny to get a small collection of new play vehicles, especially for JackJack to play with here, and they live on the windowsill between visits.
Mum's blue tacking my pastel drawings to the part of the window that only gives a view of the brick side of the building.....the second one is our lovely new backyard....where Jack is playing in his cozy coupe, while lots of birds frolic around our lovebirds cage hanging out on the line, and the gorgeous Morning Glory vine winds itself around much of our fence and trees, one with a tyre swing hung by Daddy and Uncle Dan ;)
Dr Bear and his little team, the little yellow dude from Daddy's work, and a gorgeous butterfly balloon that JackJack chose for me from the Pink Ladies stall downstairs
Sarz has been my bestest visitor yet, coz she totally surprised me on coming!!
She had said she couldn't come as her little fella's are ill, but after luck of Remo coming home early, she came in....complete with her usual cheek of greeting me with "get outta bed ya lazy thing!" hahaha
I especially loved her visit coz I learnt that, this time, I managed to keep my lippy's shut and she has let the world know now that there's a new belly bean growing inside her!!!!! Yay, exciting times ahead for a friend who truly deserves it ;o)
She very thoughtfully brought me some brain grazing exercise books, of colouring ins and crossword puzzles, and Jack has taken rather a shine to the ducky on the card, oh and the textas too!
My sisters first visit brought with them the 3 little cupcakes, that Chris picked, but thought they were candles.....better yet, they're scrummy lip glosses and my lips were cracking in here, so totally perfect!
They also later brought me a big supply of tictacs, for the dryness again, and Millie also chose me a lip gloss, which has a mirror down the side of it....something I could see her mummy liking!! he he
And the clock, Chris brought me this clock coz I hate when you wake in a strange place and have no idea what time of day it is, it lights up blue and green when you turn it, and even has a temp gage....according to that, it's always 22c in here....no wonder I'm always needing the blankets off!
A favourite thing for Jack to do at home too.....eat afternoon tea out of the back of his trucks!
JackJack is very fascinated with Muma's treatment...even supervising my anti-clotting needles!
A needle into tummy or thigh every night, leaving some lumpy ouchy bruises.
More bruises to my arm too, with 3dys in a row of bloods taken....checking inflammation markers, kidney function and such.
Catheter came out on Thursday or Friday morning, hurt like hell coming out, which they say is not usual, but the bloods showed I had a UTI so that may explain that)now some anti-biotics to add to the drug cocktail!! Oh and a small bonus of them giving me hospital supply of my antidepressants, save me a few bucks and keep mine for later!)
Jack missed this by not even half an hour! I woke from an arvo nap to these window washes outside.....lucky my bottom was covered up! ha ha
Yesterday, the pain management doc finally came to see me, one week and one day after arriving here. Upon examining, he feels that the SI joint(related to my AS) is actually the more acute pain, gahhhh.
He also informed me that as of today he's away for 2 weeks :(
So his plan, to try and get a radiologist to inject my SI joints....something needing doing under xray, early next week. After mobility is improved, I'll then be transported to a rehab centre, for 2wks of intense physical strengthening exercises. Then when he returns, he believes an epidural into these 2 slipped discs would also help. Not like a labour pain epi, this is short term numbness, long term pain relief.....like, he boasted cases of patients going 10yr pain free stints!!
Meanwhile......I miss my boys. I miss my husband, who I can yet figure out if he thinks I'm "putting on" some o this(garrrr), is just to afraid to face facts and be serious that we're looking at a long few months of recovery or that he's just damn tired with working and solo parenting to have any ounce left to give to me!
I miss my JackJack.....my booby tot, who has not once asked me for boob in here, and barely cried for it at home. My boobs aren't engorging and everyday the liquid I can squeeze out is looking clearer. This is not the gentle weaning I foresaw. I'm hoping our home environment will get us back there, even just for a bit longer, a gentler goodbye to that faze of our relationship. I miss his happy face in the morning, with the cheeky "Get UUP Muma!!" after he's decided snuggle time is over and it's time already to get out into the backyard and then eat our breaky as we spy the school kids walking past our kitchen window view of the street.
Polly, my dear little pup, is not coping so well.....stressfully plucking at her hair, ripping herself painful bald patches :(
Sophie, I hope is being looked after properly, by the not so keen cat owner in Tyler.
And he says our fish aren't looking so great after the move to the new house, we lost half in the transition. and he better be remembering to water and seed change our lovebirds!!
No visit from my brother and his family yet :( Dunno what that's about but I'd love to see them.
After happily announcing about our flight to Qld, Mum has now been busy trying to arrange the airline to allow us to postpone til the end of the year, along with a doctors letter, to show my condition and that Mum will need to be my carer while Tyler's at work.
We're also luckily enough to get a bed lent from friends to set the lounge up for me to sleep in before I can start navigating the stairs again....I dare say this will present an challenge for our steps loving tot, who'll surely choose sleeping with me over climbing the steps, but be very disgruntled about not ascending them as much! he he
Anyhoo, it's almost midnight and again these sleeping tablets aren't doing anything.....
It's Mother's Day tomorrow, and I shell be excitedly counting down the hours til the family come, after their lunch time picnic.....PLEASE JackJack, give Muma some delicious cuddles for our special day tomorrow!!
One month approx in total I'll be away from home....what a strong little boy we're raising in this fella, he amazes me so much in his strength through this strange period of our lives apart.
Bless you Jack Leo xxxx
And bless all that have visited and helped with our son and are thinking of us....I feel it all and appreciate everyone of you!!!
