The Dark Side of the Rainbow...

There's many a thing that still needs to be blogged, such as our little fellas 2nd birthday back in June, new family members and many activities and such that we've taken part in. 

Some of these are half done, but sitting in the drafts section, others haven't been started yet, simply coz I can't give them their justice right now, can't put the happiness in the writing to portray the happiness of the day.

I'm in a bad head space right now, have felt the fog creeping in for some time, but have only started to own up to it last week, in hope that facing it will make it go away.

There's things happening, but not so heavier then you or the next person would be dealing with, all I can put this fog down to is the depression. 

Depression needs no excuse, it doesn't need a trigger before it invites itself in. 

 Things you feel and experience during the lows, you can't always pinpoint to being because of something.

This is the first big bout I've had since before Jack was conceived. 

It came as a huge shock, because I honestly thought he was enough to keep it under wraps forever more.  He is a help though!  I believe without him here with me, I wouldn't be thinking over things so strongly before I act so dangerously.
My husband is oblivious, and the more he is, the more it annoys me.  I don't feel like I can say to him all that's going on in my head, but the fact he's  blind to it or choosing to ignore it hurts.  My head only gets further muddled with him acting like nothings wrong.
I have a stronger network of friends now, so that's a big bonus, and I am cheekily inviting myself around for playdates and such as much as they'll have me ;)
I am thinking it might be time to get back into counselling...I wasn't ready to leave it behind, but I ran from it, not wanting to be there.
Addiction is a hard thing to deal with when you slip back into it. 
Once an addict of something, you really always are, a constant battle to rise above it.
I've slipped....I've sunk.
I'm hitting publish now, not to draw attention to me, but to depression and addiction.
Not to go into the addiction yet, but to hold myself accountable for recovery, coz this will now be out there for the world to see.
No more hiding, no more shame.
Get your act together, you are his world, you are an important part of other peoples world.
Don't do this.
Stop.