Humble Pie and Breast Milk

So, I've been following the tid bits of info on the grape vine and facebook about how my sister and her new baby twins are going. For my blog stalkers who are unfamiliar, we have a love/hate relationship. As kids we struggled to get along, or rather, she loved me more then I was comfortable with! As adults, we really have had some beautiful sisterly moments, but for two very different personalities, our stubbornness and grudge holding are identical, which is our downfall.

Anyway, these twins are my sister's 3rd and 4th children, but with her 1st and 2nd she didn't have much luck with breastfeeding.....which is where the "healing" of our petty crap comes in.

It is really unfortunate, as an extended breastfeeder who is openly passionate about breastfeeding, that you can't say a single thing without someone having the attitude that you need to pull your head in. This happens to me, even within my own family! My SiL was offering my Mum a bottle steriliser to pass onto my sister prior to the babies birth. I asked what I thought was a simple question, "Isn't she planning to breastfeed?"(not thinking at the time of ebm in a bottle), and my brother snapped at me "Breastfeeding isn't the be all and end all, we're not all freaky breastfeeders". Hmmff. That was a kick in the guts!! This was on new years day, and totally ruined the day for me, and as it turns out, was the catalyst for my Mum "giving me space" and disappearing out of my life up until a few days ago.

Meanwhile, over on facebook, I had seen that my sister WAS keen to try giving these babies the breastfeeding relationship, just like she had longed for with her other children, just like I had suspected, before my brother shot me down. My Mum had asked for advice on how to get better help while my sister was in hospital with the babies, the lactation consultants in there were not overly helpful it seemed. When I realised that I hadn't been asked to help her, it made me think of how simpler it would be for my sister, had she felt she could ask ME, someone she knows, someone who's clocked up a lot of breastfeeding, with hiccups along the journey that were able to be overcome. It ate at me for a bit, pig headedness came into it, didn't want to lay down my guns, sure she wouldn't lay down hers. But then I thought of the bubs, the help there Muma needed was help for THEM. AND I missed my niece and nephew beyond belief, so to do this meant I could see them too ;)

After talking it over with Mum, she took me and Jack with her yesterday for a visit......and it went incredibly well!!!!!!

In preparation to meet the twins, I made them a little softie taggy toy each. "K" for Kaiden Noah, "H" for Hollie Ava. Thanks to my generous friend Sarah Mc for letting me use her materials and make these at her house ;)

The babies are so tiny, so scrawny, and they have that gorgeous little lamby cry that you don't even realise how much you miss 'til you hear it again! (Yep, cluck cluck cluck here!!!)

Kaiden looks a lot like his brother Joshie with some faces he pulls, Hollie looks like her sister Millie with some faces she pulls, but interestingly, they both look rather alike in this head shot I took.... That's Kaiden on the left, and Hollie on the right. Hollie was wrapped, but Kaiden was just in a short body suit, Cindy says he gets hot, so already you see differences in the two bubs ;) Kaiden on the left, Hollie on the right, in their porta cot.....how tiny are they!!

Muma and Jack meeting Hollie and Kaiden.

Jack is no longer the "baby" of the family, and these teeny tiny twins sure make him look huge!!!

Jack was rather taken with the bubs, giving them strokes with his hands and little kisses and head to head hugs, which burst my heart with pride!! He sure will be a brilliant big brother when our time comes ;-D

I felt awful that amongst all this, the joy of these twins, my heart ached for our lost twins and my mind was racing with "what could have been". I was looking down at them, trying my darnest not to weep, I hate that these thoughts took over again. I don't want these twins, these two complete different beings, to be any symbol for me of a "could have". But unfortunately as well, their birthday falls just two days short of the anniversary of our babies being taken from me, one day before we found out they had passed away. I'm hoping in time, this will act more of a healer then a heart breaker, because these babies have nothing to do with ours, and it's not their burden to carry. And just to be clear, I don't resent my sister for having twins!

Anyway, getting back to the joy of it!!!

The twins are actually doing a lot better at feeding. While I was there, they both fed several times, and Kaiden actually guzzles his ebm from the bottle far better then our Jack ever did, so my sisters breastfeeding journey is starting to look successful! I didn't do any correction of attachment or anything, Muma and bubs looked pretty happy, though I did try to explain baby led attachment.

Don't you just adore seeing a newborn and their Muma locking eyes?! The whole world melts away in those moments, so sweet ;) This is Hollie with her Muma, fresh from a successful breastfeed.

Hello Hollie! Hollie woke up for a little look around as Nanny nursed her.

Jack sharing afternoon tea with his older cousin Joshie, who was stoked that Jack was now big enough to chase around the house and play cars with!

This is Millie, loving holding her sister Hollie, she's such a little muma. When Mil came home from school, she was shocked at how big her baby cousin Jack had gotten! It's been a good 6mths since they saw each other. Likewise, I couldn't believe how much my little Mil Mil had grown, such a little lady now!!

And of course, me being the breastfeeding freak that I am, couldn't resist a photo op of us two sisters, both with child to boob........

19 month old Jack and 17 day old Hollie, enjoying their Muma's milk :)

Little Muma Millie watches on as her Aunty and Mummy breastfeed their babes.

I really hope, that armed with all the info I've passed on and the help she can receive through the services I've told her about, that my sister gets the breastfeeding experience she longed for with these babies.

Peace, Love and Breast milk to you, my sister xxxx