Everything happens for a reason...

Everything happens for a reason, I truly believe this.

You could spend time being bitter about things not turning out the way you wished, or you could let it go and look for the rainbow through the clouds.

My rainbow is for ever growing, with each cloud that blows in it's way, an extra colour bursts into life and strengthens the band, the band of colours that leads to all of lifes answers.  Will I ever get to those answers?  Perhaps.  They are that pot of gold that you hope to find, the hunger for that is what keeps you going, striving on.  Each colour being added is another piece to lifes puzzle.

I have been blessed with friendships, some lasting many years, others short lived.  But out of every friendship, I take a piece of that person with me.  Whether it be a large chunk, or small, these are not measured against how long I have known the person.  Some are positive, some a negative, either way they help me to be a better person.

Thanks to friendships, my horizons have been further broadened, each person comes with their own set of unique beliefs and ways of living, whether I agree with them or not, I learn from them.  I've picked up skills, some practical, others just for fun.  I've learnt more about myself and what I may be capable of achieving.  I have observed parenting styles different to mine, marriages different to mine, values different to mine.  I have been forced to question my lifestyle, to consider whether other peoples ways are wiser/safer/kinder to adopt.

It is with a mixture of what I learn through others, that I form myself, I constantly evolve to keep up with my current sense of self.

In the past two years, mostly due to now being a parent, I have been fortunate to cross paths with many different folk.  Witnessed many different ways of living, of believing, of loving.

It is because of each and every one of these beings that I am who I am today.

I am passionate in raising a family of proud self assured people. 

Some skills I wish for my offspring, I am too aware I lack in myself. 

But I do see it, I see the patterns in other people.  I see the patterns in myself and, wanting to be a better role model for my children, try to overcome them.

I haven't yet worked out what my 'label' in life is.  I don't like the idea of not having my own thoughts, so refuse to acknowledge myself as a 'follower', though the thought of other people looking to me for guidence simply scares the life outta me, so I am also not willing to identify as a 'leader'. 

Where does that leave me?

This is the question I ponder as I find myself looking at the back end of some friendships.  Some friendships that fizzled, partly because I simply didn't know my place in them.

I would be lying if I said I didn't feel this loss, I would be denying these people the importance that they truly did have in my life.  I learnt much from these friendships, and enjoyed the company. 

What happens when friendships fizzle and you have mutual areas of your lives?

Celebrations that you will each be invited to.

Groups that you both belong to, and both would like to continue to belong to.

What happens in the areas of interests that you shared with these people? 

Most importantly, as a parent, what do you say to your child when they ask where these people have gone?  Where their little friends, the offspring of these people, have gone?

These answers are contained in that pot of gold, I don't yet know them.

Life lessons are often hard to take.  Hard to face.  Hard to adopt.

One lesson I have learnt, and is important for future friendships....if a person can't take you at yout worst, they don't deserve you at your best!