Getting the hatred out.....

AGGGGHHHHHHHHH............................... Why are people so hell bent on trying to make my friends and I feel BAD for our behaviour? It's a question I have struggled with. It's the reason this blog has laid dormant. But it's surely time to move on folks, I've removed myself from your lives, time to back off out of mine!!! As followers, public and private(get that haters....I actually DON'T just have a hand full of people reading this, as you have seen yourselves by finding my blog, you CAN read this and NOT publicly follow it!) would know, myself and my friends have created, stumbled, found ourselves, in a cross-nursing/wet-nursing community. Something that SHOULD be completely NORMAL, but western societies sexualisation of breasts have tainted that. Let me just start with telling you further how I found myself involved in the cross-nursing. It is true, when first exposed to my friends feeding each others kids, I was fascinated at the need for it, perhaps a little weirded out by it, and questioned myself whether I would do it, and the initial answer was NO. But then there I was in the situation that one of the Mumas was not with us, leaving three children that were keen for a latch, and one cross-nursing Muma with two boobs. One child would have to miss out. One child was left upset. Yet in the room with them was another lactating Muma, with two extra boobs to add into the mix. Perhaps you have to be in this sort of situation to understand, to appreciate the moment that your heart opens up and tells your brain to get passed the weird feelings you have at the thought of a child, not of your own making, latching onto your breast to suckle the much appreciated breast milk. It sure was an eye opening moment for me, prejudice melted away, and I felt not unlike the kind of warm fuzzy feeling you get if you've managed to be in a situation that another human being requires the type of assistance that only you can provide....perhaps the type of feelings you would get if you found yourself performing CPR on a person. NO folks, I'm not comparing cross-nursing with CPR, untwist your knickers! I'm simply TRYING to find an example of how the cross-nursing made me feel :) Ok, so there it is, I've acknowledged my initial uneasiness. What we do not understand, we fear. I didn't understand it when I first witnessed it, but once I got it, my fear melted away. I would also like to address formula, and MY personal views on it. When I was pregnant with my son, I feared I was going to have trouble with breastfeeding. I had seen my sister with her two children have oodles of problems, which led to early weaning. I had seen my SiL having trouble with her first child gaining weight and being advised to formula feed, and then going on to have a longer bf relationship her her second child. I also knew that with all three of my Mum's children, the bf story was very different. Perhaps it was for this reason my Mum advised me to join the Australian Breastfeeding Association, as she had when we were babes. When Jack came to us prematurely, he spent time in the special care nursery, something I absolutely credit to the successful start to our bf journey. I too had the horrible experiences with the staff on the ward of the hospital and the hospital provided lactation consultants(which are actually NOT from the ABA, yet manage to give the ABA the bad rep), grabbing my breasts without consent, tweaking my nipples, milking me like a farm animal. Not at all pleasant for a first time Muma who's just getting over the shock of a bunch of strangers looking/poking and prodding her vagina. I also found myself on several occasions where the ward staff were almost working against the special care staff. I would be on my way to the nursery, expected for my sons next feed, and be stopped by staff wanting me to wait and have a consult with a doctor or physio and my own after birth issues, which were the least on my mind. These healthcare providers made me feel my body was no longer my own, but it was not my sons either, it was theirs. They made me feel my son was not my own either, that he and my body was their property, and it was their doing that was the sole reason he was alive and well. Luckily for my son's need for being in special care, I was able to have some lovely chats with the wonderful staff in there through his every feed, as they would come and sit with me while they tube fed ebm to a baby, while I stumbled through feeding my son. My self esteem got a much needed boost by the ladies in there, who exclaimed shock that I was in fact a first time Muma. They loved the things I was doing that were coming naturally to me, yet already seemed odd to our visitors. Most feeds I took my top off, rather then just finding a way to get one boob out, initially it was simply I didn't want to stretch my tops as I pulled them aside. I also unwrapped my son from the layers of blankets til his belly was laying on mine. Again, initially this was simply that the blankets were so thick I couldn't tell which direction his body was facing, but these two things I was doing was aiding our bonding.....skin to skin contact. I also loved unwrapping his feet and touching his tiny toes, though our visitors were concerned I was going to make him cold and should cover them back up. We also had another silver lining in a cloud, when we were transferred to another hospital for my son's operation(born with ingroinial hernia, operated on day 5). We were lucky enough to have some wonderful staff around us at this hospital, we were in a room with two other babies having the same operation, and some lovely nurses with time on their hands to sit and chat as we all fed our bubs. By the time we were discharged, not only was I very comfortable with bf, but another Muma who had been feeding her 3mth old via a nipple shield or ebm, had actually achieved many successful feeds without the shield. I know I've digressed a fair bit here, but I'm sharing this to show that I too had the bad hospital experience many of you feel was yours alone, it's just thanks to special care and the second hospital that I was able to overlook so much of the bad. I truly believe if it weren't for the extra time my son and I got with the helpful staff, we may well have ended up down the path of formula. My own feelings of formula is mixed. I am not completely apposed to the use of it, but I do wish today's western society were more informed of healthier options. As our bf journey ticks over each month, my feelings of formula for my own child got stronger, I was dead against it being introduced to him, because there was absolutely no need. My son is extremely lucky I have chosen to educate myself in the benefits of bf. When he was barely a few hours old, we were coerced by the hospital to allow him to be formula fed, their reasoning was that if they got us on the operating list he needed an empty tummy( Muma now does not understand that at all, given that formula is heavier then breast milk, and that any Muma's milk had not come in by that time, not just mine!). Along the way we've also had well meant but misplaced advice to top up or night feed with formula, something I fought because I feared my milk supply dwindling. I've had close to ten cases of mastitis, always in the right side and twice bordering on an abscess that would have required draining. The area of my breast never fully recovered between each bout, and I feared going out in the cold air unless well rugged up because it was extremely cold sensitive, not to mention that side was always tender to feed from(if only I had my cross-nursing friends back then!). Thankfully, my GP had heard of some women having success with taking Evening Primrose Oil, and I rushed out to buy it and have never looked back! No more mastitis since, and the cold sensitivity is gone, feeding is comfortable, bliss. As my son was premi, when we first came home from hospital we were advised a routine of a breastfeed followed by Muma expressing milk, while Daddy fed bub the ebm from the last round, all on a 3hr cycle. It was gruelling. The 3hr cycle was timed from the start of the breastfeed to the start of the next breastfeed, not unlike how us women calculate our menstrual cycles! Those of you that have had premi babies will appreciate how full on this routine was. Premi's are sleepy, you are constantly stroking them and gently poking them to stay awake long enough to take in their feed. The breastfeed was going for an hour, followed by the same of pumping, which left Muma with one hour out of three without something or someone latched to my breast. I can appreciate why many Muma's give up in situations such as this, but it is because of my perseverance through all this, that my opinion is pretty strong on no formula for my son. We've gone through all the hard yards and we made it, it would completely defeat all of that if I lead our weaning. This is why I have always stuck to the philosophy that our son will wean himself when he is ready. Even on the days where I feel he barely does anything but feed, like in the last few days where he has barely eaten solids but upped his feeds due to teething discomfort, it drains me to the point where I feel physically ill, but I will NOT deny him. It is also because of our journey that I personally feel saddened for the children of parents who give up so easily. The child who got put onto formula weeks before Muma returned to work, without even attempting ebm feeding through work hours. The child whose parents were so ill informed of the nature of the breast and the babies ability to feed that Muma expressed EVERY feed, just to be able to measure how much baby was consuming. The child whose mother was so embarrassed to publicly feed that she expressed her milk to feed her child via bottle in public, yet then was concerned of people thinking the bottle contained formula, and not her lovingly pumped breast milk. The child whose mother made a conscious decision, while pregnant, to take medication to dry up her supply without even attempting to breastfeed. On the flip side, there are some lovely stories of Muma's trying very hard to provide for their child. I was humbled to know of the child who was still able to receive it's Muma's colostrum and first few weeks of breast milk, despite low supply due to previous mastectomy for breast cancer, good on this Muma for giving what little she could. The second child of a Muma who had not succeeded in a continued bf relationship with her first child, was lucky enough that her Muma sought help and with medication and determination that child is about to celebrate 12mths of breast milk. The infant who is super lucky that it's Muma is so dedicated to giving the breast milk it deserves that she has a list of awesomeMuma's who send her ebm from all over our country, to help her with her own low supply. And the most recent story that melted my heart, the lucky little bub whose Muma decided she and her child were missing out on something as she watched her friends bf while her bub had been weaned due to trouble and lack of support, the Muma sought help and re-lactated!! Awesome efforts, lucky bubs ;) It is worth noting the World Health Organisation lists breast milk from another Muma as safer then formula(check it out yourself if you feel I'm talking crap), and that formula companies themselves have restrictions on marketing formula to babes under 6mths old. Has it ever occurred to you, dear reader, why? Formula is designed as a last resort. Breastfeeding v formula feeding should not, and isn't personally in my mind, be a choice. Plenty of technologies have evolved to allow a man-made "back-up", ie pace makers, oxygen masks, but it doesn't mean that they are a choice of natural versus these "back-ups". It is not like looking at clothes lines versus clothes dryers or hand washing versus dishwashers. Western societies thinking is ruining breastfeeding. Breasts are designed to nurture children, that's what they are for! Not for your lovers enjoyment. It saddens me that when I nurse my son in public, I get more looks then a girl who is skimpily dressed. We could both be showing the same amount of breast, my nipple covered by baby, hers covered by clothing, but it is me who draws more negative attention. Why? It really is a sad situation. I've never loved my boobs more then right now, this time of my life when they are nurturing my son. My son now feeds rather acrobatically, drawing laughs from some while "time to wean" comments from others. I have often joked that he owes me a boob job when he's older! But when I think of the Muma who didn't even allow her child the gift of breast milk, I picture us both as elderly women.....she may have perky boobs still, but as I role mine up from my knees to tuck them into my waist band, they will always bring me joy and happy memories of the wonderful gift I provided my son ;-D Finally, I would like to address the hate campaign stemmed from me sharing my cross-nursing experience. Whatever your reaction to our community, it is NEVER ok to behave the way you all have. Your behaviour has shocked me that I was ever considering some of you in my friends circle. Online your behaviour has equated to cyber stalking, through continuing to text message my mobile it is harassment, and as for the three(maybe more?) of you who directly told MY MUM that she ought to be ashamed of her daughter.....I don't even know where to begin in how wrong that is. Perhaps in hindsight one day you may take a step back and realise how ugly your treatment of us has been. Perhaps you may one day feel remorse for how wrong and disgraceful you telling my Mum she should feel shame of me really is. But in the mean time, back off, move on, get a life!!!!! My dear friend Sazz has been an absolute eye opener in my life, and especially in educating me in the downside of blogging, that people feel it's their duty to tell you how wrong you are, how freaky you are. She's put this in beautiful perspective for me, and you DON'T bother me haters. I now see it's just your own issues, not mine, that you react in this way. It has been mostly a great laugh for us to watch all of this unfold, to see just how uneducated some of you are that your vocabulary is reduced to a whole lot of swearing as a way of expressing yourself, to see the extent you have gone to to follow the cyber trail of what you consider "weird, freaky, nutty" is just incredible, if only you had put the same energy into educating yourself as to why these things are NOT abnormal, but just taken that way in modern western society. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for stepping aside, out of my life, and creating a situation for which the universe attracted to me more suitable friends, many of which I look forward to learning their ways of life that you again may take as "freaky", but is simply living closer to nature. As a last note to all who rejoiced in ME deleting YOU off facebook.....hmmm I never pinned you to your computer and insisted you read all that comes from me, ever thought to NOT read it? HIDE it? DELETE me? It made me realise that the girl never leaves the woman, when some of this immaturity came from a woman of my Mums age, the convo's I read seemed more like high school girl fights. Anyway, this is hopefully the last I'll put on my blog......to be clear, I mean addressing you haters, I sure don't mean the last mention of breastfeeding/cross-nursing or pictures of these. I am an extremely proud breast feeder, I'm in constant awe of the fact that my body alone sustained my son for his first 6mths and still assists his well being. All I really want, is for the ugliness to stop, all this hatred must be consuming you, it's sad that you've let it get to you like this. For your own childs sake, let it go, move on.